Stepmamas: You're more than a support person.

Ten years I've cared for my stepson. Ten years I've made sacrifices for him, taught him, loved him, and disciplined him. Ten years I've given him my time, my attention, my money, my protection and my heart. And after a decade of parenting a child that is not mine, I was recently told by his bio mom that I'm not his "parent". That cut deep.

Do I think of myself as his mother? Absolutely not. He has an involved mom and dad who love him dearly, but I'm certainly much more than a "supportive person in his life". I'm a parent to him in every sense of the word and take offense at not being recognized as such. That got me thinking, there must be tons of other stepparents out there who experience this complete lack of recognition for their countless selfless deeds.

Should we wear our cloak of invisibility for good or evil? I kid, but in all seriousness, us bonus moms should be recognized and celebrated. From experience, I can tell you that stepmoms are held to incredibly high standards. Mother Teresa-like standards. Expected to give, give, give and get virtually nothing in return.

I speak for all those stepmamas out there when I say it can be HARD. So hard at times that you want to give up. Doing so much for a child that might not repay the love or affection. We as stepparents in turn take satisfaction in the small things. Like when my stepson craves my attention or wants to excitedly tell me something positive in his life so I can celebrate him, or when I watch the relationship between him and my bio son blossom.

As a stepparent, many times we don't have control, which can be frustrating, but what we do have is influence. My husband is an incredibly supportive partner who takes my opinions to heart. That's so important. At the end of the day, my stepson has a mom and dad, so I do my best to parent without being allowed to make certain decisions or join family meetings.

When we're having dinner and I'm still hungry, do I get seconds, or do I let my growing teenage stepson have it all? When I'm exhausted from working full time and volunteering, do I do something for myself on the weekend, or do I do something kid/teen-centric? When I'm short on funds, do I tell my stepson he can't be spoiled on every single holiday, or do I go into credit card debt to make sure he wants for nothing? When I'm in the middle of doing something important, do I ignore him when he wants my attention, or do I drop everything? When he does something unkind or inappropriate, do I lash out or do I bite my tongue and respond calmly in an effort to turn it into a teaching moment? The answers are the latter for all.

What I would like to strongly reiterate is that us stepparents are much more than supportive people in other people's kids' lives. We are givers, full of love with thick skin. So, to all the stepmamas out there who are not getting the recognition and thanks they deserve, I see you and I appreciate you. To take on parenting kids we didn't birth who can sometimes reject our love in the most painful ways and yet continue loving and making sacrifices for them is nothing short of amazing. You are AMAZING and you ARE a parent. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.