Any mama knows that when it comes to raising a child, sometimes there are parenting wins and parenting fails. No one is perfect, but no matter how imperfect we might be, our kids love us just the same. And isn't that just amazing?
I, like most mamas, experience mom guilt when I don't handle a situation correctly. But I'm learning to give myself grace and instead, focus on my parenting successes.
There are a ton of examples I could share to help you relate, but below are just a few:
Mom Fails
While I was working on my computer, my son was playing on the ground next to me with his vast collection of toy cars and trucks and was pretending that they were talking to each other. I heard one Hot Wheels car say to the other "Are you fucking kidding me?". I turned to him and asked sternly "Where did you hear that?!?". He replied with "Mommy says that to the 'puter'.". Needless to say, at that moment, I looked exactly like the facepalm emoji.
On a rainy day, I treated my 4-year-old to a hot chocolate from Starbucks, which he then proceeded to spill all over our microfiber couch and didn't tell me about it for fear of getting in trouble. I almost lost my mind while frantically trying to clean it up. He knew I was upset and sheepishly walked away. Once I regained my composure, I apologized but felt just awful inside. I recently read about a man who grew up with a mom whose response to every spill was "well, that will soon be the cleanest spot in our house." This response is gold. It teaches the child it's ok to make mistakes and puts a positive spin on what can be a stressful situation. I vow to adopt this great way of responding, because accidents happen ALL the time.
I pride myself on rarely losing my cool as a mom. The one and only time I yelled, louder than I ever have at my child affected me deeply. I grew up with a parent who yelled frequently, something that never sat well with my sensitive self. As a result, I always promised myself that when I became a parent, I would not be a yeller. It was bath time, and my son wasn't being the best listener. He was standing in the bath and refusing to sit down. Then in an act of total defiance, he attempted to climb out, slipping and hitting his chin on the side of the bathtub. This opened the wound he had glued at the ER due to a prior running/slipping accident. What he needed in that moment was compassion, but all I gave him was raw, loud anger. I felt guilty for days, if not weeks. I've never raised my voice again like that nor will I ever.
Mom Wins
A nonverbal girl joined my son's class in the middle of the school year and his teacher told me that he had been so kind to her and was showing her the ropes. When I picked him up, that nervous little girl was his shadow because he felt safe to her. I know he should get all the credit for being such an amazing little human, but there's a little part of me that can't help but to feel proud of the kindness I work so hard to instill in him.
My son is in preschool, which means I'm sick every other week. During one of these sickly weeks, my workload became overwhelming, and I was extremely fatigued. My son is allowed a limited amount of screentime each day and it would have been so easy to let him stay on that iPad for hours on end so I could rest or continue to work. Instead, I got on the ground with him and played Bluey, Ninja Turtles and Battle Bots. We connected, laughed and I rested easier that night knowing that my sacrifice was worth it.
Anytime I get my 4-year-old to eat green vegetables, it feels like such a huge victory that I do a secret happy dance in the kitchen.
I've read many times that we should spoil our kids with experiences, not toys. I must admit that I love gifting him toys, but when my husband and I take him to new places for the first time, the look on his face and joy in his soul is priceless. I always feel accomplished when we spend the day expanding his horizons and introducing him to something new to love about his hometown, state and world.
When my son feels blue or just exhausted, he comes to me for "some love". I'm his safe place, his confidant, his playmate, his home. The relationship I've fostered with him is what I'm most proud of.
Bottom line and the moral of my anecdotes is you can have those off moments, and even days when you're not your best self and not the best mother. Your children will love you anyways. We're all human and make mistakes. For me, honesty and hugs are a great way to reset. Parenting is a beautiful journey of continuous learning and growth.
So, go easy on yourself mama. Kids need love, safety and connection, not perfection.